Friday, January 25, 2019

The translator's dilemma, Part VI

In the story I'm currently translating, Yusuke, a 36-year-old salesman, becomes unemployed when his company goes bankrupt. His wife goes back to work and Yusuke becomes a house-husband, cooking, cleaning, and caring for their four-year-old son. Shortly after the bankruptcy, Yusuke's former boss, Yamashina phones the house to tell Yusuke about a new company at which there may be a job. Yusuke is not sure he's interested and the conversation ends with the boss saying something and hanging up. Yusuke then thinks briefly about what the boss said. My first, very literal, version was this:

—Yamashina said, bursting with confidence, "There is aoyama any place there are people," and hung up the phone.
    Yusuke, section chief, it was a different way to read it. First of all it was "seizan" not "aoyama" . . . he was about to say but was prudent. A thing of more than twenty years that he'd read differently, it was better to leave alone.

Here's the original:

—山科は鼻息荒く「人間いたるところに青山ありだ」と言い、電話を切った。
 裕輔は、いや部長、それは読み方がちがいます。まず「アオヤマ」じゃなくて「セイザン」で...と言いそうになったが自重した。間違い続けて二十年以上物件は、そっとしておいたほうがいい。

My problem was the boss's finally words. The word 青山 can read either as "aoyama" or "seizan." My dictionary gives two definitions: "faraway mountains in a blue haze" for aoyama or "a burial place" for seizan. In the context of the story, neither makes a lot of sense. ("There is a burial place anywhere there are people" is at least English even if doesn't fit the context.)

My dictionary, in addition to defining the word, adds a proverb that uses the word, the proverb the boss quotes: "One's native village is not the only place where there is a green hill fit to be buried on." In other words: "You can make your fortune anywhere in the world." Those words are not even close to the original.

But it does make sense that Yusuke's former boss would tell him he could do well anywhere. But then what do I do about Yusuke's silently correcting the boss's confusing "seizan" with "aoyama"?

Change the proverb. Here's my revised version:

—Yamashina, bursting with confidence, quoted a proverb, "You can make your fortune anywhere but home," and hung up the phone.
    No boss, thought Yusuke, that's not how it goes. It's "You can make your fortune anywhere in the world," but he said nothing. He'd heard the proverb differently for more than twenty years, and it was better to leave it alone.

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